00:00
00:00
Earfetish
how are you gentlemen

Age 36, Male

wasteman

Manchester, UK

Joined on 10/21/02

Level:
43
Exp Points:
19,649 / 20,530
Exp Rank:
964
Vote Power:
8.37 votes
Rank:
Police Lieutenant
Global Rank:
5,407
Blams:
953
Saves:
707
B/P Bonus:
14%
Whistle:
Gold
Medals:
830
Supporter:
2y 5m 3d

Flash Fiction

Posted by Earfetish - December 13th, 2008


"What is the meaning of life?"

Hagar leapt towards the odious voice, slicing his broadsword through the still air, streaking across the night sky like a shooting star. "Canute! How dare ye ponder such questions? Silence your philosophical brain; we have a dragon to slay! Focus!" The tip of his sword trembled at the bare, pale, flustered throat.

And the air warmed around as Canute's face flushed red, and with quivering legs, and with a thud, he had fainted.

"Awaken!" Flecks of Hagar's fury splattered on the dust. "You are no match for the dragon! The armies of Hades could not pass me, yet you - pah! For conquest, strength and power, that is the meaning of life! Coward!"

And Hagar left his partner helpless on the floor. The dragon loomed near, and the fear for this dragon loomed far. A huge monster it was, fangs as long as your arm; roasting fireballs burst from its lungs with every breath. Hagar narrowed his eyes, hissed through his teeth.

The dragon slaying was easy, but deserting his friend was harder. Hagar's chest of steel was but a shield for his butter heart. The women fell for his massive balls but held them for his soul.

No word from Canute since the death of the dragon and guilt played his arteries like a harp. Weeks dragged for years, and, grasping back tears, Hagar threw on his bearskin jacket, shackled up his sword, and left.

The search was fast, as Canute had not moved. He was cold, and quiet, and dead. And Hagar screamed the screams of a thousand agonies at the stars. For his adventures had been in vain; for love for your fellow man had always been his meaning of life.

Hagar threw his sword in the shrubs and became a poet.


Comments

your story rocks and my story sucks :3

didn't put quite as much time into it as the average; I only saw the thread very late on

thanks a lot anyway I'll read yours

STRIKE NOW AT THEE DRAGON, FOR I SHALTITH SLAY YOU WITH THINE POWER OF MY HAMMER MJOLNIR, KNEEL BEFORE THINE ODINSON MONSTAH

Seriously, this sounds like a D&D fanfic to me, but in the most gnarly of ways.

good gnarly?

I was just trying to make it whacky and weird and sudden and still good; no particular reason for the dragon and old English and viking character names other than that they fell into my head when I was writing it

I loved the ending more than every other part of the story.

And I loved every other part of the story very much.

thanks

I think I'm good with last lines

more rape next time

and then Hagar tenderly fucked Canute in his cold, lifeless anus

you......sick.....fuck.....
:)
Your earlier stories are much more gruesome.

I still write gruesome stuff

Ok then, post it.

I'm not a ruddy jukebox

What a sad story. But what i think it means, that someone who is physically strong, can be emotionally weak. Strength of steel heart of butter.

That's a nice interpretation. I didn't really view his emotional weakness as a flaw, and it's not like it was unwarranted. The meaning was far more flagrant, ie strength and courage are less important than friendship and loyalty, but I love that you found another subtext to it that I didn't intend to exist, it makes me feel smart.

This is probably the first time I'm actually reading through your stories. These are really good, if not orders of magnitude more disgusting than my sickest fantasies.

why thank you

cool.

Maybe I have said it before, but I can't help but notice large similarities between your banner text and the band text on this album - <a href="http://img124.imageshack.us/img124/9263/animositykx8.jpg">http://img124.imageshack.us/img124/92 63/animositykx8.jpg</a>

my brother made it for me and that's one of his favourite albums, so yes most likely

PS LOL YOU SUCK AT MASS KILLINGS FAGGOT, WHAT KIND OF METALHEAD ARE YOU

well done Earfetish, well done

mwah

Very nicely written. I always enjoy reading your work.

O HAI!

You're almost level 42! :D

yay

Lol your username is funny.

Marvelous

Very nice story, you should write a full length book.
And Earfetish, you may remember me as an annoying troll who assaulted your inbox two years ago. I would like to apologize for my actions, I behaved very immaturely, I would like to think that I have grown emotionally and mentally since then. Please accept my most humble apologies.

>:(

who the fuck are you